The Yellow brick road....

Sometimes that shiny road doesn't end up at the gate of a magical wizard...I thought my road would lead to this magical place called "HAPPINESS" but sometimes the monsters reach out and darken the sunny skies. They let their disease-ridden bugs crawl under my skin and make me feel things I wish I could numb out. They leave slimmy trails of anger and frustration...
I feel like the more time passes the less I know where things will lead. I remember a day not so long ago where everything seemed great. Days were filled with happy moments, tons of laughter and a second or two of anger. I remember spending long days in bed alone & naked with him, I remember hours wandering along that yellow brick road as we held hands, moments spent staring in disbelief at the beauty in his eyes....now it seems I never get to see those eyes. They are always wandering, never still enough for me to remember the boy I once fell in love with. We rush past the road, so fast it doesn't even seem to be yellow anymore. It seems like all he wants is time away from me and all I want is more time with my best friend! When did we stop admiring each other and when did we start abusing one another?

It seems we are in a rush to take a shit, take a shower, eat and sleep...no time to wipe my ass in between! Theres no time to stop and feel that profound love I know is hidden under all the frustration and confusion. All there is, is the need to run, run, run and get as much done as possible. But what is it all worth if you don't enjoy every second?

When did wanting to spend more time together become a bad thing? When did asking for affection become torcher? When did I stop being his everything????