The fun in simplicity...

Growing up there were lots of things that I thought were normal and then the older I got and the more friends I got to know, the more I realized my life was kind of out of the ordinary.

I always thought my house was oober normal! I thought having 9 siblings was normal but then I saw the faces on people when I’d say I had that many siblings and well…it wasn’t so normal after all. Most families had between 1 and 3 kids and here I was with triple that amount!

I also thought that being raised by your sisters was normal but apparently parents raise their kids in the U.S. hmmm that one was new for me. I had my brothers and sisters punish me, reprimand me, help with homework, sign my school notes, drive me places etc…

Growing up I never realized how much my parents struggled to keep us all fed, rested and happy. I remember when I was younger me and my twin used to sleep in a closet because we just didn’t have enough room for everyone. They’d lay pillows and blankets on the floor of a walk in closet, close the door, and that was lights out! I always looked at it as being cool! It was my own secret hide-out where nobody came in but me and I would write little messages on the door and create this little wonderland in there. To me it was never depressing or sad it was exciting! I had the best of times in there!

I also remember the Vieja making the most of every meal! We grew up eating beans and rice pretty much every night. We never noticed that the Vieja always served us a crap load of water in the beans to make it last longer or that dinner was some rice and bananas or just the pot of soup she made was basically potatoes and veggies with 4 pieces of chicken so only the first four to eat got the meat. Every meal was filled with bread and tortillas so that you’d get full. My Vieja knew how to make a meal out of anything and we never dared not eat every last bite of it. In our house it was a sin to throw the smallest bite of food away!

We didn't get new toys all the time or these awesome electronics for Christmas presents. Gifts were always clothes with a chocolate bar in one of the pockets or some shoes.

We made our own toys. Slip ‘n Slide?? Nope, we ripped up garbage bags and set the sprinkler and just slid down the bags. Bubble wands? Nope we used dish soap and the lids from salt shakers to make bubbles or we used the fly swatter sometimes too! We made our own sling shots out of a bottle and a balloon. I remember once we used beans instead of rocks to sling at each other and the Vieja was sooo mad! We were trying to play but to her we were throwing away food and she made us search for all the frijoles we'd thrown!

Looking back I sometimes wish things were more normal but at the same time I don't because those days make me appreciate my brothers and sister and parents. I appreciate every moment they made creative.

Now I look at my family and all the creativity is gone. People are stuck on Playstations and Iphones and Laptops and big screen t.v.'s. Nobody is out building a sling shot or making a Slip 'n Slide. Everything is too easy, every memory is bought rather than created....

New Year - New Me...

I started this year obsessing over what my resolution would be, I didn't want to make a goal for my life because then I just obsess and end up getting all worked up and never doing it. Then come the end of the year I feel like a loser for not accomplishing it.


So this year I made three simple goals:

1. I will stop focusing on what I don't have and focus more on what I DO have.
I need to stop obsessing over not having a husband who sweeps me off my feet and takes care of me, my dream classic car, a picture perfect family etc...I should be thankful thatI have a husband who loves me, a car that hasn't broken down on me, at least one sister that is true family and so much more!

2. I won't let what happened yesterday stop me from accomplishing my goals today.
I always think because I didn't exercise yesterday, why exercise today, I will just start fresh next week. Or if I didn't get around to saving as much money as I wanted to this paycheck, I will just spend it and start fresh next paycheck. It's always next time because of some stupid little thing.

3. I will write a blog and take at least one picture every week of what inspired me or made me happy!
This will make me appreciate what I have and make me thankful. Also I can work on my writing skills, writing used to be my favorite thing to do.


So this is day one! Hopefully I keep on it and my world gets that much brighter <3

Whatever happened to just looking like….YOU?!?!?!

On t.v. there are 12 and 13 year olds wearing more make-up than I am! I see these Disney shows and Nickelodeon shows with little teeny-boppers wearing so much make-up that they look like they’re about to perform on a dance pole. Whatever happened to looking like a teenager? They’re 12 years YOUNG and already hiding the way they look behind make-up.

It seems that when girls are young they try to look older and when they are old they try to look younger but why? Doesn’t anybody enjoy the age that they’re at anymore?

I didn’t obsess about looking older when I was a youngster. I embraced it, I wreaked havoc, I acted like a child and just blamed all my stupidity on my age. I took advantage of every childish moment I could have and lived for the fun and carefree moments I could have before reaching adult-hood. But youngsters are so obsessed with looking older, where is the fun in that?

Then you have the 20-30 year olds that are already stressing about not looking young enough or not wearing enough make-up to cover this or that. I swear most of the girls I see wearing make-up look like they have porcelain faces. They’re literally turning into freakin dolls! Some girls would hear me say that and be so ecstatic at the thought that they look that perfect but to me it’s not a compliment, it’s an insult. I swear I see girls that have bags full of product and make-up tools and who know what else that they CANNOT live without! I know a girl who uses at least 8 products just to “PREPARE” her skin before applying her make-up….SERIOUSLY???? I am afraid to see what these girls look like with nothing on…no make-up to hide behind…nothing but their own skin.

I may not look glamorous, my skin is nowhere near flawless but I look like me. I am happy to know that at the end of the day when I wash my face I look exactly the same as I did before. I don’t need to hide behind anything. I own 2 pieces of make-up which I don’t find the need to put on every day. I don’t always love the way I look but I love who I am and I don’t need to hide behind a “porcelain mask” to look good.

Waiting for those better days

I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE A SINGLE MOTHER OF THREE...

I wish somebody else would worry and stress about everything. Just once for someone to put me before themselves. Everyones too busy doing what they want and letting me worry about paying everyones bills and making everyone elses life simple and carefree.

I just wish somebody would take care of me for awhile. Oh to be able to sit at home all day with my son and just play and relax! To drive around without worrying about gas money, groceries, or how to pay this bill or that bill!

I miss the days when I wasn't alone on worrying about money and bills and where we are going to be next month. The days when I had a partner working with me to build a future but those days are so far gone that I can't even remember how it felt to be worry free.

All I can say is that I hope all this pain and frustration turns out to give me a much deserved happy ending.

The Yellow brick road....

Sometimes that shiny road doesn't end up at the gate of a magical wizard...I thought my road would lead to this magical place called "HAPPINESS" but sometimes the monsters reach out and darken the sunny skies. They let their disease-ridden bugs crawl under my skin and make me feel things I wish I could numb out. They leave slimmy trails of anger and frustration...
I feel like the more time passes the less I know where things will lead. I remember a day not so long ago where everything seemed great. Days were filled with happy moments, tons of laughter and a second or two of anger. I remember spending long days in bed alone & naked with him, I remember hours wandering along that yellow brick road as we held hands, moments spent staring in disbelief at the beauty in his eyes....now it seems I never get to see those eyes. They are always wandering, never still enough for me to remember the boy I once fell in love with. We rush past the road, so fast it doesn't even seem to be yellow anymore. It seems like all he wants is time away from me and all I want is more time with my best friend! When did we stop admiring each other and when did we start abusing one another?

It seems we are in a rush to take a shit, take a shower, eat and sleep...no time to wipe my ass in between! Theres no time to stop and feel that profound love I know is hidden under all the frustration and confusion. All there is, is the need to run, run, run and get as much done as possible. But what is it all worth if you don't enjoy every second?

When did wanting to spend more time together become a bad thing? When did asking for affection become torcher? When did I stop being his everything????

Nightmares of a preschool office...

Thanks goes out to the two ladies that decided to come in today and let their kids run wild, we really appreciate you ignoring your kid as they break the blinds off the window. We especially loved how you laughed as you handed us the the broken blind and exclaimed "oh ha ha ha he broke this"....Seriously just because this is a preschool office doesn't mean you can let your kids run wild and break our stuff.

What is it with parents coming into our preschool office and ignoring their kids? I've had kids run out and I have to tell the parents to look up from the paper they're filling out and go get the kid from the parking lot! I mean just because we are a preschool site doesn't mean you can come and ignore your kids and we are going to watch them, this is still a place of business.

I also hate the parents that let their kids run wild and throw every single toy out of the bin, box or cubby....then when they want to go they just yell at their kids to hurry up and don't even worry about making their kids clean up the mess. Not to mention the fact that you just let them throw half of their snack on our rug and don't worry about picking up the damn wrappers.

But what REALLY gets to me, what I REALLY can't help but laugh insanely at...is when parents come in all pissed off because their kids weren't accepted. One lady came in ready to cuss me out because I barely told her last week that her kid wasn't eligible for our program. How dare I make her wait a month and a half to find out her kid didn't qualify. What is she supposed to do now???

A word of advice to parents:

         Preschool is not mandatory. It's like College, schools can always say NO to you. So do yourself a favor and apply EVERYWHERE! Don't just wait on one school cus you'll end up screwed"

Also to those 2 parents I had come in to complain about their kids not being "poor enough" as they call it, all while they drove up in a freakin HUMMER! Really lady!?!

Now and Then

Now that I’m a momma a lot has changed, particularly how my time is spent. I’ve had to let some things go but have gained a new world filled with laughter, frustration, giggles and lots, lots, lots of I love you’s.

I remember back to the days when I would be out walking until 3am or would wake up randomly in the middle of the night and go for a walk at 4am in the morning, even though I had to be at work at 8am. Sleep just wasn’t a big necessity. My weekends were full of hookah clouds, mind bending pipes, and ice cold liquids that made you feel good. Whether I was hanging out with just my roommate or the whole crowd, it was fun and full of energy! There were always people laughing, going crazy and just enjoying the wild night. I remember crazy nights like when we lit fireworks in the driveway, the night the power went out and spent the night playing with glow sticks and getting drunk, the night me and GREY decided to start “Sprinkler Wrestling” or even the night we went for a drunk walk and Bobbo decided to walk up and pee on someone’s front door…NEVER a BORING MOMENT. Everything was full of excitement and fun and no worries. We never thought about growing up, about what life really meant, or how we’d fit into each other’s futures.

Now I spend most of my nights begging my little man to let me sleep. He’s doing all the partying for me ha ha ha. My walks consist of picking him up and walking 3.5 miles to get home every afternoon. I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night and think “Man a walk sounds so good right now!” Especially when I get a whiff of that cold, fresh air! But then I just fall back to sleep. Now I spend all my nights with my little man and get to enjoy friends on the weekends or for random dinners. My weekends are full of beach fun, pool parties, bbq’s, parks, zoos, boat trips, and so much more…But I am even busier now, then I ever was before. I get to spend nights watching movies and cartoons with him, laughing over the silliest of things, running around the house yelling like a mad person and using my fingers like guns as Nikko makes a wounded noise and falls to the floor. I watch him flirt with girls; like the time he was jumping around dancing and tried to look cool by jumping into a puddle, but instead he slipped and fell flat into the puddle ha ha ha I get to buy silly toys, play silly games, jump on the bed, and just have FUN! I get to watch in amazement as he grows and starts jumping off of diving boards, how he runs into the waves at the beach, how he builds these insanely characteristic expressions and randomly says new words. I have someone to always keep me company and make me laugh but most importantly of all, I have someone who will LOVE me forever and always. He has his silly faces, loving glances, caring touches, and heart felt “I love you mommy-ya”…I have all I could ever need in him. He makes me drunk with laughter and high as a kite with love. Who needs drunken nights when I have all that!