Simplicity of love...

We all have those moments in a relationship where we feel insecure, whether it's with a partner, a friend, a family member...any loved one. We are afraid to show our inner selves, always trying to show this "upgrade" of ourselves that we want to be, that we think is worthy of the love of others. Like I hear many people say, "you fake it, til you make it!"

Over years we discover the imperfections in others and allow some of our own imperfections to come through. We realize that nobody is perfect and so we allow ourselves to breathe and release some of that imperfection to see the light. Allowing ourselves comfort in the trust and love we build with other people....but we still overanalyze, pick at every detail, create stories of what others are thinking, imagine alternate endings to moments that have passed us by or moments yet to come. All this time trying to project ourselves as this "upgraded me" that people will want to be around and safe-gaurding ourselves from the pain of being lost or let go. We try to second guess others in order to be the one to walk away first. We put up this wall we call "protection" but others see it as "dishonesty". This wall doesn't protect us, it keeps us caged, unfree to join hands and express the love we so long to give and receive from another human being.

Will we ever realize our TRUE potential and stop complicating the simplicity of love?

 

                                      * inspired by Christina Perri's "Arms"

Sincerity and Reality

I've been through a lot in my life-time and have come to realize that every person I have met is walking through life interested in one thing....THEMSELVES.

I have come to question the sincerity of people and the love that is shown. It seems every person I meet no matter the length of time, the relationship, sex, race, age etc...they all end up thinking of life as a race. A race to have the most fun, a race to own the most crap, a race to make their own lives easier and more pleasurable. Very rarely do I meet people who truly give of themselves and reach out to an injured soul with no other thought but to heal.

I have been through a lot with family and although I have cut myself out of the picture that once held us all together in laughter, I am never able to cut out the hatred, resentment, jealousy, and pain that is still with me. The best I can do is try to move forward with life.

I have tried to understand it, tried to reason it, tried to forget it, tried to forgive it but it lingers in the back of my mind, waiting for a moment, a single memory that brings it all back.

But I won't give up. I no longer sit in the darkness of the shadows that people once cast around me but instead I walk freely in the sun and choose to enjoy every moment I have with my husband and son. The sincerity of people is still questionable to me but at least now I know to trust in myself and what I know to be true. I take the day as it comes and give of myself only when it will not hurt me in return but I will always hold myself at a distance...waiting to test the sincerity of the next person that comes along.