I've been through a lot in my life-time and have come to realize that every person I have met is walking through life interested in one thing....THEMSELVES.
I have come to question the sincerity of people and the love that is shown. It seems every person I meet no matter the length of time, the relationship, sex, race, age etc...they all end up thinking of life as a race. A race to have the most fun, a race to own the most crap, a race to make their own lives easier and more pleasurable. Very rarely do I meet people who truly give of themselves and reach out to an injured soul with no other thought but to heal.
I have been through a lot with family and although I have cut myself out of the picture that once held us all together in laughter, I am never able to cut out the hatred, resentment, jealousy, and pain that is still with me. The best I can do is try to move forward with life.
I have tried to understand it, tried to reason it, tried to forget it, tried to forgive it but it lingers in the back of my mind, waiting for a moment, a single memory that brings it all back.
But I won't give up. I no longer sit in the darkness of the shadows that people once cast around me but instead I walk freely in the sun and choose to enjoy every moment I have with my husband and son. The sincerity of people is still questionable to me but at least now I know to trust in myself and what I know to be true. I take the day as it comes and give of myself only when it will not hurt me in return but I will always hold myself at a distance...waiting to test the sincerity of the next person that comes along.
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