The good and the bad in my life….

Good:
-I have my own place and I have been able to take care of myself without needing anyone so far
-My job makes me humble and appreciate so much
-I don’t need a nice car, big house, or 50 dollar jeans to be happy
-I am adventurous, love to laugh and just want to have fun
-I care more about the adventures I have rather than the way I look as I am doing it
-I don’t find it necessary to have a cell phone at all times
-Myspace/Facebook is not where I live
-I don’t need alcohol or drugs to have fun
-I talk to any random person that says hello
-I don’t like to lie or bullshit so I am honest 24/7
-I have this amazing baby who makes me feel so happy
-I married the love of my life
-I have someone who makes me laugh a lot
-I have a son who makes me stronger everyday
-I have this unrelenting will that helps me survive any problem that gets in my way

Bad:
-My pride gets the best of me sometimes, I’m so stuck on being independent that I push people away.
-I have no interest in starting a career
-I am shit scared of learning how to drive
-I tend to be very loud and outspoken which scares a lot of people away
-I can’t help but spend money on others…even when I really need something for myself
-I don’t remember most of my childhood, although most of the time I am glad I don’t
-Sometimes I let my anger and frustration get the best of me
-I will always secretly HATE my parents and can’t possibly try to understand them
-I am in love with a total slob who has no romantic sense
-I attract a lot of perverts and crazies because I feel the need to answer a hello
-I don’t like to fake smiles or laughter & so people get uncomfortable around me
-I don’t make time to do the things that used to make me REALLY happy
-I fear that I am a bad mom :(
-I often wish my lover was someone else, someone romantic, some one more adventurous etc…
-I miss the simplicities of life….a walk in the rain, watching the clouds go by, taking a hike etc…

Trust & Love & Happiness...

So today's topic is trusting your partner.

Example: The lover randomly told me that an old "girl" friend, notice the separation of words, asked to take him out for dinner since his birthday had just passed. He didn't invite me to go, didn't say what time he'd be back or anything else really. So I automatically said "ok, have fun". Now I don't know this friend of his, I've met her once for all of about 15 minutes and she was cute, shy and I could tell her and the lover had a lot in common. It was nice to see him reconnect with someone, didn't matter that it was a girl.

My sister's reaction was to come home, ask where he was and then unload the million questions she had running through her head. Where did they go? What time is he coming back? Did he go with just her or were more people going? Why didn't he invite you? etc...

My reaction to all this was to laugh. I didn't care who he was with or what time he'd be home. I only hoped he was having a blast with whoever was there.

He came home around midnight with his friend behind him. They had definitely been drinking, they walked in, said hello and started drinking again while they chatted. I said hello, then after about 20 minutes said good night and went to bed....leaving them downstairs, drinking, by themselves.

Now I understand that most girls would be, waiting up for their guy and if he came home with the "girl" friend they'd throw a major hissy fit and chew their man's head off the next day about it. I don't get that. I asked him the next day if he had fun and listened to his little story about how the night went and then moved on with my day.

Now I have people ask me all the time about my relationship with my hubby.
They will tell me they don't understand how I can let him go out and not ask where he's going or when he's coming home or who he's going with....
Well I don't understand why people are soo hung  up on knowing every single little detail.

I find it ridiculous that girls get that way. If a guy wants to cheat he will do it whether you ask him a million questions or not. I have trust that my hubby loves me, wants to be with me and has no need to be with someone else. I can't say I am not jealous and that I never worry about the hubby finding some hotter, funner, skinnier, more sexually pleasing chick....but me nagging him about it is sure as hell not gonna help the situation. All your going to do is frustrate your partner by asking a million questions and then hurt their feelings by showing you don't trust them

I TRUST entirely in my hubby to love me and be with only me. I can sit there and check out chicks with him...tell him "oh my gosh look at that girls boobs!!! DAMN they look good!" ha ha ha ha Flirting is ok as long as it's just that...flirting. If the day comes that he feels he needs more attention from someone else then we'll talk about it and figure out what to do with our relationship. I am not insecure in my relationship. I feel truly LOVED by my hunkalicious papabear and I believe he has no interest in anyone but me.

Lonely Mama

It seems like when I first got pregnant everything was so exciting! My friends were all excited and were looking forward to the new baby! We thought about a bigger place with a new baby, new experiences, and more fun memories to make!

All except one friend...my roommate stopped talking to me and when I confronted her about her attitude she told me things were going to change. She said one by one all my friends would disappear because I wouldn't have time for them.

I hated her for saying that and always thought, "there is no way that will happen" but now I find myself 3 years later sitting at home watching the lover hang out with his buddies and none of my friends are around. Sure enough one by one they started to disappear. Not to my fault though. I did hangouts every other week to keep things evened out. They'd come over and drink, smoke, party it up and just have fun and then other weekends we'd chill with my son at the park or beach or whatever....but they just stopped coming around. It seems my roommates cursed me or something.

I try doing bbq's or drink nites but they are all too busy. Whatever happened to friendship. Does growing up have to mean losing friends? It seems this happens to everyone! My coworker lost all her friends once she has her daughter as well. I mean what is that about? Doesn't friendship mean anything anymore? Can't people still have relationships?

I miss having friends to talk to in the middle of the night. Someone to have some drinks with, go to a movie, run to when things are going bad with the lover....just having someone there! So what happened? What changed? Why can't friends be forever????

Fat girls and Fashion...

Todays topic of discussion…FAT GIRLS.

If your sensitive about your weight I suggest you not read this cus I’ll be making a lot of jokes and mean comments.

Now first of all I’m a fatty girl…I wear XL clothing, I got an ass as wide as a mountain, and I got a belly that looks like I swallowed an entire watermelon ha ha ha. I don’t mind my weight though, I am beautiful in my own way and I have no problem saying I am overweight. It’s not a concern for me…

Now that doesn’t mean I eat sweets all day or drink nothing but soda. In all honesty I had about half a soda yesterday and before that I hadn’t had soda in over 2 weeks. My friends are always looking at me weird because I dilute my juices…1/3 juice and 2/3 water mmmm, just sweet enough! I am not a big sweets girl either. I have jars of candy in my house that is leftover from Halloween! I’ve never been huge on all the sugar stuff. I’m a huge salad freak mmmm and veggies! I eat tomatoes whole! Bite into them like apples! Sooo yummmyy!!! My dad would raise us to eat everything with chili and lemon. If we didn’t like a certain vegetable, then he’d slice it up throw some chili powder and sprinkle a lemon over it and mmmmmm we’d inhale it all! So I grew to LOVE veggies and fruit. I also love to run around. I walk home from work about 4 miles on most days and like running around with my lil boy. I’ve never been a home body, I like to be outside, in the fresh air with nature and all its beauty.

OK now that you know a little about me…so you don’t think I’m some skinny bitch talking shit about fatty girls….here comes the real topic of today’s blog.

What is up with all the fatties walking around in clothes that don’t fit them? I mean seriously!?!? I feel like walking up to them and asking them if they know that they make clothing in bigger sizes. I mean do you not know there’s a bigger size that will actually FIT you? I see these big girls walking around in pants that have their stomachs hanging out of them…obviously if your stomach doesn’t fit in your pants, you need a bigger size. Also! Buy a shirt that actually fits over your stomach. I saw a girl yesterday at the market that kept tugging at her shirt, but no matter how much she would keep tugging down that shirt NEVER reached over her stomach…HELLO!!! It means the shirt doesn’t fit you. These people give fatties a bad rep. They make us look like gross, disgusting, slobs. I mean just because your fat doesn’t mean you gotta dress nasty. I understand that in today’s fashion clothes keeps getting smaller and more revealing but as a fat girl you gotta know you’re basics for fashion.

My Top 5  Fatty Fashion Rules!

Rule #1: Layer it! If you’ve got a stomach make sure you’re wearing something to tuck that gut in. Wear a tight shirt that reaches at least 4 inches past that gut and then a cute looser shirt on top. Nobody needs to see the lard peeking out from under your shirt. It’s oober important to tuck the fat in and make your self look slimmer.

Rule #2 NEVER EVER wear tight clothing…I don’t care how good you think you look, you do not need to accentuate the lard that’s hanging off of you.

Rule #3 If you’re pants don’t fit over your tummy then they are too small. Oh and please don’t wear pants that barely cover your ass…nobody needs to see your ass smiling at them as you walk away.

Rule #4 Don’t think because you saw some skinny girl look cute in something, that means you will look cute wearing it too! I hate seeing fatties walk around in tights with a shirt…..NOOO!!! Seriously just don’t.

Rule #5 Mini dresses are for mini girls…Don’t wear a skirt or dress that barely covers your ass. I don’t care how big your self esteem is, you don’t look good!

Rule #6 Don’t wear really thin heels. Chances are people are watching you and betting on when the heel is going to snap and cause you to fall on your ass.

Rule #7 No thongs, g-strings or bikini underwear. Treat your ass like you do your boobs. Wear something that’s going to support all the lard hanging off of you. Nobody wants to see saggy tits or a saggy ass…plump it up!

Rule #8 No see through clothing. Just think to  yourself “would I look good walking around naked?” chances are you are going to say no!

Rule #9 No bikinis. Wear a nice bathing suit. Bathing suits are great to lift and tuck in any fatty areas, so they can slim you down and make you FABULOUS! Bikinis on the other hand chop your body up, show off the fatty areas and are not very slimming at all.

Rule #10 Don’t over do it on the ruffles, feathers or anything else that can make you look puffier. You don’t want to wear things that will make you look bigger than what you are.

Now in no way am I a fashion guru or specialist....these are my opinions. If you don't like it, don't read it....problem solved.

Wealth versus stability

So I happened to hear a girl chit-chatting with her girls about some guy she's dating and how her weekend went with him. This is what she said....

"So we've been dating for 2 months and he finally invited me over to hang out with him and his friends. So we agreed I'd meet him at his friends house saturday to hang out and watch the fight. Well i'm getting ready and about to leave when he calls me and he's all like hey are you on your way so I told him I was about to leave. Then he asks me if I can pick up 2 cokes on my way over there.....LIKE EXCUSE ME??? I mean he knows I don't drink soda and he asks me to bring sodas? Like what??? I mean am I his guest or am I like helping him throw this bash???"

Ok now seriously! Tell me that doesn't sound RETARDED! She goes on to start complaing about how he still lives at home, he's got this crappy 1994 toyota that's always breaking down and the more she dates him the more she realizes it's not gonna work out. Now I have heard this girl complain numerous times about how she's alone and she can't find a guy that is on her level....well she lives at home, drives an older 1999 car, still goes to school, is alone, drinks a lot and bitches about how she can't find the right guy!

BIG CLUE: stop looking for a nice car with a big wallet in it.

Why is it that there are so many women out there looking for a guy with a nice car, money in his pockets, his own place and looks good? What ever happened to liking a guy for being sweet and caring and thoughtful. Then these girls wonder why the guys treat them like shit....pick a guy with some character, not one that can BUY you a smile.

My sister had a friend who flunked out of high school, has no GED, has never had a job, lives at home and does nothing but she's always complaining about how if a guy wants to date her then he needs to have a really nice car, money, a good job and his own place....how does that make sense? I think it should be equal...a girl she be on the same level as a guy or at least trying to be on the same level. But now a days you find these girls waiting for the sugar daddy to roll up and ask them to marry them.

A piece of me...

So I’ve been thinking of starting a blog for a long time but always thought “ah who cares what I have to say??” then I realized the blog can be more for me to let off steam and just throw some random thoughts out…if someone reads it and is inspired to start one or I make a new friend through the random ranting than it is all worth it. Who knows maybe I’ll get some sanity back! Ha ha ha

I’ve had a very practical, simple, fun life…or at least I always think I do. But sometimes I find myself describing how I grew up and everything I’ve been through and it sounds like I’m describing this warped dramatic, depressive movie! One of those where you know all the girls are gonna watch cus of how sad it is and how it’s gonna make you cry like a little weenie! Ha ha I think maybe I’m so used to all the pain and anger that I’ve just sort of numbed out to it all. I find myself laughing at times and then feel the tears choking me up and all of a sudden I realize how horrible the things I’m saying TRULY sound.

Growing up in a Hispanic household you start to realize that a lot of emotions are ignored…if it’s not happy, nobody talks or deals with it. Not that this is how every Hispanic family is, but a lot of them are. I’ve learned in my house to just laugh things off, so now I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable or feel awkward about something. If a certain topic is hard for me to talk about I throw in a lot of jokes to make it sound less important….it’s my way of coping.

Something really bad happened to me when I was young, from about elementary school to Junior High…that I remember anyway. It hurt me physically, mentally, emotionally and took years for me to get past. It made me very hateful, angry and all I wanted was to be alone ALL the time! I never hugged people, said I love you, hardly ever smiled, spent most of my time locked up in my room or out wandering the streets so I wasn’t around my family. I think the more I was around my family the more pain I felt. A family member caused the situation and the rest of my family decided to be oblivious to it all. They looked at me with tears and told me to just “stay quiet and don’t talk about it”…that was their solution. Just NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. So I distanced myself from them all, moved out as soon as I was 18, fell in love with my husband and he’s been the sanity to my crazy life. He held my hand through everything, made me laugh when the tears started taking over and was there to rescue me every time my “family” made things worse.

I’ve learned to stay away from those that only hurt me, even if they are my parents. They don’t care about my safety, well being, and happiness so I choose to stay away from them. I haven’t spent a holiday or birthday with them in years and surprisingly I don’t miss it!  I’m happier than ever! I laugh all the time, don’t have drama in my life and I have this great son of my own who I protect from anything and everything. When I got pregnant I swore to myself that I would ALWAYS be there for my children, I’d be a better mom than mine. I’d be there for the good times and help them through the bad…I’d do my best to prevent any pain or bad things happening and if something did happen I’d be there for support, understanding and love! That is my one goal in life and I will spend my life making it happen.